I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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