Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize