that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
