you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
