Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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