Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
