Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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