I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize