What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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