He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
All I want is dick and wine.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
