Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ruined the universe
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
