Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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