Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She bit a glass in half.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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