I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
