Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Green mimosas i think yes
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
