Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are a genius and a whore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
