I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
