I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
