i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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