Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize