I am puke
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize