Ambien. No doubt about it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize