I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
