I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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