what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
