talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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