I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
