But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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