dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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