She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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