i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
