last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
