Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
