If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
