I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
