Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
