Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
