I like my sex mixed with concussions.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
