Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
