Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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