saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
