My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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