last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
