Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my shit smells like andre
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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