There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
