I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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