I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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