i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
