So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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