Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
