mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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