We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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