Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
