Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we're making bets on your personal life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
