just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
