I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
