Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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