no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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