I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize