Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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