So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love having hate sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
