I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
