Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
