GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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