he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
