I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
