As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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