Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
