Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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