I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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