i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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