Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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