When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would ride that face into the sunset
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