It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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